1.  I can please only one person per day.  Today is not your day.
     Tomorrow's not looking good either.
 2.  I love deadlines.  I especially love the swooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
 3.  Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
 4.  Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
 5.  Needing someone is like needing a parachute: if he isn't there the first time you need
      him, chances are you won't be needing him again.
 6.  I don't have an attitude problem.  You have a perception problem.
 7.  My reality check bounced.
 8.  On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
 9.  I don't suffer from stress - I'm a carrier...
 10.  You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter!
 11.  Everybody is somebody else's weirdo...
 12.  Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with
        experience.