MEN ARE FROM SEARS, WOMEN ARE FROM NORDSTROM

 Just so everyone has a better understanding, I believe that, in general,
women are saner than men. For example: If you see people who have paid
good money to stand in an outdoor stadium on a freezing December day
wearing nothing on the upper halves of their bodies except paint, those
people will be male.
Without males, there would be no such sport as professional lawn mower
racing. Also, there would be a 100 percent decline in the annual number
of  deaths related to efforts to shoot beer cans off of heads.  Also, if
women were in charge of all the world's nations, there would be no war.
I   sincerely believe this - virtually no military conflicts, and if
there were a military conflict, everyone involved would feel just awful
and there would soon be a high-level exchange of thoughtful notes
written on greeting cards with flowers on the front, followed by a Peace
Luncheon (which would be salads, with the dressing on the side).
So, I sincerely believe that women are wiser than men, with the
exception  of one key area, and that area is clothing sizes. In this
particular area,  women are insane. When a man shops for clothes, his
primary objective is to purchase clothes that fit on his particular
body. A man will try on a pair  of pants, and if those pants are too
small, he'll try on a larger pair, and  when he finds a pair that fits,
he buys them. Most men do not spend a lot of time fretting about the
size of their pants. Many men wear jeans with  the size printed right on
the back label, so that if  you're standing behind a man in a
supermarket line, you can read his  waist and inseam size. A man could
have, say, a 52-inch waist and a 30-inch inseam, and his  label will
proudly display this information, which is basically the same thing as
having a sign that says: "Howdy! My rear is the size of a Federal
Express truck!"
The situation is very different with women. When a woman shops for clothes,
her primary objective is NOT to find clothes that fit her particular body.
She would like for that to be the case, but her primary objective is to
purchase clothes that are the size she wore when she was 19 years old.
This will be some arbitrary number such as "8" or "10." (Don't ask me "8" or
"10" of what; that question has baffled scientists for centuries.)  All
I know is that if a woman was a size 8 at age 19, she wants to be a size
8 now, and if a size 8 outfit does not fit her, she will not move on to
a larger size: She can't! Her size is 8! So she will keep on trying on
size 8 items,  and unless they start fitting her, she will become
extremely unhappy.  She may take this unhappiness out on her husband,
who is waiting patiently in the mall, perhaps browsing in the Sharper
Image store, trying to think of how he could justify purchasing a pair
of night-vision binoculars. "Hi!" he'll says, when his wife finds him,
"You know how sometimes the electricity goes out at night and..." "Am I
fat?" she'll ask, cutting him off.  This is a very bad situation for the
man, because if he answers "yes," she'll be angry because he's saying
that she's fat, and if he answers "no," she'll be angry because HE'S
OBVIOUSLY LYING BECAUSE NONE OF THE SIZE 8's FIT HER. There is no escape
for the husband. I think a lot of unexplained disappearances occur
because guys in malls see their wives unsuccessfully trying on outfits,
and they realize their lives will be easier if, before their wives come
out and demand to know whether they're fat, the guys just run off and
join a UFO cult.
Here's how you could get rich: Start a women's clothing store called
"SIZE 2," in which all garments, including those that were originally
intended to be restaurant awnings, had labels with the words "SIZE 2."
I'll bet you'd sell clothes like crazy. You'd probably get rich, and you
could retire, maybe take up some philanthropic activity to benefit
humanity.
I'm thinking here of professional lawn mower racing.