Let's say
a guy named Roger is attracted to a
woman named Elaine.
He asks her out to a movie;
she accepts;
they have a pretty good time.
A few nights later he asks
her out to dinner,
and again they enjoy themselves.
They continue to see each
other regularly, and after a
while neither one of them
is seeing anybody else.
And then,
one evening when they're driving home, a
thought occurs to Elaine,
and, without really thinking,
she says it aloud:
"Do you realize that, as of
tonight,
we've been seeing each other
for exactly six months?"
And then there is silence in the car.
To Elaine,
it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to
herself: Geez, I wonder if
it bothers him that I said that.
Maybe he's been
feeling confined by our relationship;
maybe he thinks
I'm trying to push him into
some kind of obligation
that he doesn't want, or isn't
sure of.
And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
And Elaine
is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure
I want this kind of relationship,
either.
Sometimes I wish I had a little
more space, so
I'd have time to think about
whether I really want us to
keep going the way we are,
moving steadily toward...
I mean, where are we going?
Are we just going to keep
seeing each other at this
level of intimacy?
Are we heading toward marriage?
Toward children? Toward a
lifetime together?
Am I ready for that level
of commitment?
Do I really even know this
person?
And Roger
is thinking: ...so that means it
was...let'ssee...February
when we started going out,
which was right after I had
the car at the
dealer's, which means...lemme
check the odometer...
Whoa! I am way overdue for
an oil change here.
And Elaine
is thinking: He's upset. I can see it
on his face. Maybe I'm reading
this completely wrong.
Maybe he Wants more from our
relationship,
more intimacy, more commitment;
maybe he has sensed-even
before I sensed it-that I
was feeling some reservations.
Yes, I bet that's it. That's
why he's so reluctant to say
anything about his own feelings.
He's afraid of being rejected.
And Roger
is thinking: And I'm gonna have them
look at the transmission again
I don't care what
those morons say, it's still
not shifting right.
And they better not try to
blame it on the cold weather this time.
What cold weather? It's 87
degrees out, and this thing is shifting
like a garbage truck, and
I paid those incompetent thieves $600.
And Elaine
is thinking: He's angry. And I don't
blame him. I'd be angry, too.
I feel so guilty, putting
him through this,
but I can't help the way I
feel. I'm just not sure.
And Roger
is thinking: They'll probably say it's
only a 90-day warranty...scumballs.
And Elaine
is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic,
waiting for a knight
to come riding up on his white horse,
when I'm sitting right
next to a perfectly good person,
a person I enjoy being
with,
a person I truly do care about,
a person who seems to truly
care about me.
A person who is in pain because
of
my self-centered, schoolgirl
romantic fantasy.
And Roger
is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty?
I'll give them a warranty.
I'll take their warranty and................
"Roger," Elaine says aloud.
"What?" says Roger, startled.
"Please
don't torture yourself like this,"
she says, her eyes beginning
to brim with tears.
"Maybe I should never have...
Oh gosh, I feel so..."
(She breaks down, sobbing.)
"What?" says Roger.
"I'm such
a fool," Elaine sobs.
"I mean, I know there's no
knight. I really know that.
It's silly. There's no knight,
and there's no horse."
"There's no horse?" says Roger.
"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.
No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.
"It's just that...it's that I... I need some time," Elaine says.
(There is
a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking
as fast as he can, tries to
come up with a safe response.
Finally he comes up with one
that he thinks might work.)
"Yes," he says.
(Elaine, deeply
moved, touches his hand.)
"Oh, Roger, do you really
feel that way?" she says.
"What way?" says Roger.
"That way about time," says Elaine.
"Oh," says Roger. "Yes,,,,."
(Elaine
turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes,
causing him to become
very nervous about what she might say next,
especially if it involves
a horse. At last she speaks.)
"Thank you, Roger," she says.
"Thank you," says Roger.
Then he takes
her home, and she lies on her bed, a
conflicted, tortured soul,
and weeps until dawn,
whereas when Roger gets
back to hisplace,
he opens a bag of Doritos,
turns on the TV, and immediately
becomes deeply involved in
a rerun of a tennis match
between two Czechoslovakians
he never heard of.
A tiny voice in the far recesses
of his mind
tells him that something major
was going on
back there in the car, but
he is pretty sure
there is no way he would ever
understand what,
and so he figures it's better
if he doesn't think about it.
The next
day Elaine will call her closest friend,
or perhaps two of them, and
they will talk
about this situation for six
straight hours.
In painstaking detail, they
will analyze everything
she said andeverythinghe said,
going over it time and time
again, exploring every word,
expression, and gesture for
nuances of meaning,
considering every possible
ramification.
They will continue to discuss
this subject,
off and on, for weeks, maybe
months,
never reaching any definiteconclusions,
but never getting bored with
it, either.
Meanwhile,
Roger, while playing racquetball one
day with a mutual friend of
his and Elaine's,
will pause just before serving,
frown, and say:
"Norm, did Elaine ever
own a horse?"