Let's say a guy named
Roger is attracted to a
woman named Elaine.
He asks her out to a movie;
she accepts;
they have a pretty good time.
A few nights later he asks
her out to dinner,
and again they enjoy themselves.
They continue to see each other regularly,
and after a
while neither one of them is seeing anybody
else.
And then, one evening
when they're driving home, a
thought occurs to Elaine,
and, without really thinking, she says it
aloud:
"Do you realize that, as of
tonight,
we've been seeing each other for exactly
six months?"
And then there is silence in the car.
To Elaine, it seems
like a very loud silence. She thinks to
herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him
that I said that.
Maybe he's been
feeling confined by our relationship; maybe
he thinks
I'm trying to push him into some kind of
obligation
that he doesn't want, or isn't
sure of.
And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
And Elaine is thinking:
But, hey, I'm not so sure
I want this kind of relationship,
either.
Sometimes I wish I had a little more space,
so
I'd have time to think about whether I really
want us to
keep going the way we are, moving steadily
toward...
I mean, where are we going? Are we
just going to keep
seeing each other at this
level of intimacy?
Are we heading toward marriage?
Toward children? Toward a
lifetime together?
Am I ready for that level
of commitment?
Do I really even know this
person?
And Roger is thinking:
...so that means it
was...let'ssee...February when we started
going out,
which was right after I had
the car at the
dealer's, which means...lemme check the
odometer...
Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change
here.
And Elaine is thinking:
He's upset. I can see it
on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely
wrong.
Maybe he Wants more from our
relationship,
more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he
has sensed-even
before I sensed it-that I was feeling some
reservations.
Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so
reluctant to say
anything about his own feelings. He's
afraid of being rejected.
And Roger is thinking:
And I'm gonna have them
look at the transmission again I don't care
what
those morons say, it's still not shifting
right.
And they better not try to blame it on the
cold weather this time.
What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out,
and this thing is shifting
like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent
thieves $600.
And Elaine is thinking:
He's angry. And I don't
blame him. I'd be angry, too.
I feel so guilty, putting
him through this,
but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just
not sure.
And Roger is thinking:
They'll probably say it's
only a 90-day warranty...scumballs.
And Elaine is thinking:
Maybe I'm just too idealistic,
waiting for a knight
to come riding up on his white horse,
when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly
good person,
a person I enjoy being
with,
a person I truly do care about,
a person who seems to truly
care about me.
A person who is in pain because
of
my self-centered, schoolgirl
romantic fantasy.
And Roger is thinking:
Warranty? They want a warranty?
I'll give them a warranty. I'll take their
warranty and................
"Roger," Elaine says aloud.
"What?" says Roger, startled.
"Please don't torture
yourself like this,"
she says, her eyes beginning to brim
with tears.
"Maybe I should never have... Oh gosh, I
feel so..."
(She breaks down, sobbing.)
"What?" says Roger.
"I'm such
a fool," Elaine sobs.
"I mean, I know there's no knight. I really
know that.
It's silly. There's no knight, and
there's no horse."
"There's no horse?" says Roger.
"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.
No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.
"It's just that...it's that I... I need some time," Elaine says.
(There is a 15-second
pause while Roger, thinking
as fast as he can, tries to come up with
a safe response.
Finally he comes up with one that he thinks
might work.)
"Yes," he says.
(Elaine, deeply moved, touches
his hand.)
"Oh, Roger, do you really
feel that way?" she says.
"What way?" says Roger.
"That way about time," says Elaine.
"Oh," says Roger. "Yes,,,,."
(Elaine turns to face
him and gazes deeply into his eyes,
causing him to become very nervous
about what she might say next,
especially if it involves a horse. At last
she speaks.)
"Thank you, Roger," she says.
"Thank you," says Roger.
Then he takes her home,
and she lies on her bed, a
conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until
dawn,
whereas when Roger gets back to
hisplace,
he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the
TV, and immediately
becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a
tennis match
between two Czechoslovakians he never heard
of.
A tiny voice in the far recesses of his
mind
tells him that something major was going
on
back there in the car, but he is pretty
sure
there is no way he would ever understand
what,
and so he figures it's better if he doesn't
think about it.
The next day Elaine
will call her closest friend,
or perhaps two of them, and
they will talk
about this situation for six
straight hours.
In painstaking detail, they will analyze
everything
she said andeverythinghe said,
going over it time and time again, exploring
every word,
expression, and gesture for
nuances of meaning,
considering every possible
ramification.
They will continue to discuss
this subject,
off and on, for weeks, maybe
months,
never reaching any definiteconclusions,
but never getting bored with
it, either.
Meanwhile, Roger,
while playing racquetball one
day with a mutual friend of
his and Elaine's,
will pause just before serving, frown, and
say:
"Norm, did Elaine ever
own a horse?"