1. Large, loft style apartments in New
York City are well within the
price range of most people-whether they
are employed or not.
2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb,
don't worry which wire to
cut. You will always choose
the right one.
4. Most laptop computers are powerful
enough to override
the communications system of any invading
alien society.
5. It does not matter if you are heavily
outnumbered in a fight
involving martial arts. Your enemies
will wait patiently to
attack you one by one by dancing around
in a threatening manner until
you have knocked out their
predecessors.
6. When you turn out the light to go
to bed, everything in your
bedroom will still be clearly visible, just
slightly bluish.
7. If you are blonde and pretty, it is
possible to become a world expert
on nuclear fission at the
age of twenty-two.
8 Honest and hard working policemen are
traditionally
gunned down three days before
their retirement.
9. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs
prefer to kill
their archenemies using complicated machinery
involving fuses,
pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and
man-eating sharks,
which will allow their captives at least
twenty minutes to escape.
10.During all police investigations,
it will be necessary to visit a
strip club at least once.
11. All beds have special L-shaped cover
sheets that
reach up to the armpit level
on a woman
but only to waist level on the man lying
beside her.
12. All grocery shopping bags contain
at least one
stick of French bread.
13. It's easy for anyone to land a plane
providing
there is someone in the control tower to
talk you down.
14. Once applied, lipstick will never
rub off-even
while scuba diving.
15. You're very likely to survive any
battle in any war
unless you make the mistake
of showing someone
a picture of your sweetheart
back home.
16. Should you wish to pass yourself
off as a German
or Russian officer, it will
not be necessary
to speak the language. A German or
Russian accent will do.
(It used to be an English accent for the
German.)
17. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
18. A man will show no pain while taking
the most
ferocious beating but will wince when a
woman
tries to clean his wounds.
19. If a large pane of glass is visible,
someone
will be thrown through it
before long.
20. If staying in a haunted house, women
should
investigate any strange noises
in their most revealing underwear.
21. Word processors never display a cursor
on screen
but will always say: Enter
Password Now.
22. Even when driving down a perfectly
straight road,
it is necessary to turn the
steering wheel
vigorously from left to right every few
moments.
23. All bombs are fitted with electronic
timing devices
with large red readouts so
you know exactly
when they're going to go off.
24. A detective can only solve a case
once he has
been suspended from duty.
25. If you decide to start dancing in
the street,
everyone you meet will know
all the steps.
26. Police departments give their officers
personality tests
to make sure they are deliberately
assigned
a partner who is their total
opposite
27. When they are alone, all foreign
military officers
prefer to speak to each other
in English.