Bullshit

A pheasant was standing in a field chatting to a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of yonder tree',
sighed the pheasant, 'but I haven't got the energy'.

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?'
replied the bull. 'They're packed with nutrients'.

The pheasant pecked at a lump of dung and found that it
actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch
of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he
reached the second branch. And so on.  Finally, after a
fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the
tree. Whereupon he was spotted by a farmer who dashed into
the farmhouse, emerged with a shotgun, and shot the pheasant
right out of the tree.

Moral of the Story:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
 

The Senior Driver

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I
just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280.
Please be careful!"

"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
 

 Ten Dollahs

Stumpy Grinder and his wife Martha were from Portland,
Maine. Every year they went to the Portland Fair, and
every year Stumpy said " Ya know Mahtha, I'd like ta get
a ride in that theah aihplane." and every year Martha
would say "I know Stumpy, but that aihplane ride costs ten
dollahs.... and ten dollahs is ten dollahs." So Stumpy
says " By Jeebers Mahtha, I'm 71 yeahs old, if I don't go
this time I may nevah go." Martha replies " Stumpy, that
there aihplane ride is ten dollahs...and ten dollahs is ten
dollahs."

So the pilot overhears them and says " Folks, I'll make
you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride, if you can
stay quiet for the entire ride and not say ONE word,
I won't charge you, but just one word and it's ten dollars."

They agree and up they go.... the pilot does all kinds of
twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard,
he does it one more time, still nothing... so he lands.

He turns to Stumpy as they come to a stop and says " By
golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to
holler out, but you didn't."

And Stumpy replies " Well, I was gonna say something
when Mahtha fell out...but ten dollahs is ten dollahs!