To:       All Employees
From:     Management
Subject:  Special High Intensity Training

In order to assure the highest levels of quality in the work and
productivity from our employees, it will now be our policy to regularly
train everone through our longstanding program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY

TRAINING (S.H.I.T.) We are trying to give our employees more
S.H.I.T.than other offices.  If you feel that you do not receive your
share of S.H.I.T. on the job please see your supervisor.  You will be
immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list.

As you know, our supervisors are especially skilled at seeing the you
get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.  Employees who don't take S.H.I.T.
will be placed in the DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYYE EVALUATION PROGRAMS
(D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.)  Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T. seriously
will have to attend the supplemental program. EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING

(E.A.T.S.H.I.T.) Since your supervisors took S.H.I.T. before they were
promoted, they don't have to take S.H.I.T anymore.  Obviously they are
full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T. you may qualify for the supervisory or
trainign position, either giving S.H.I.T to fellow employees or training

other to take S.H.I.T.  We can add you name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING
LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.)  Those of you who become skilled in the
B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs and eventually apply for a
promotion to DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (D.I.P.S.H.I.T.) If you
have any further querstions, please direct them to HEAD OF TRAINING
SPECIAL HI9GH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.)

Than you BOSS IN GENERAL, Special Hight intensity Trainign
(B.I.G.S.H.I.T.